me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
