Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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