So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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