Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
