Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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