Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
