i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
