I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
