either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
