Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
