Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
