its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
