So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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