Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize