Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
