please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
