oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
