I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
