yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
