He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
