those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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