Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
