I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
