I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Pants are for mortals
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
