we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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