Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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