If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
