Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
