you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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