I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
