yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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