dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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