you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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