Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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