I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
