Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
