Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
