When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
