my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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