The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
