My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
