life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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