what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
