Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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