eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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