You don't have asthma, your pregnant
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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