Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
