I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
