I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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