The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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