dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
