My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
