i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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