I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You need a sexual gate keeper
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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