Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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