You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The uberlube is also flammable
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
