i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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