Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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