Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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