I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I need a beard to bite.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
