just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
