dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize