so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
