Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
