were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
