I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
