I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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