If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Even my vagina gasped.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
