Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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