Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
