i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
