Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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