I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she peed on how many people?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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