first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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