Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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