I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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