Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
