all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
