Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
