I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Damn victory sex feels great
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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