I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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