I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
