I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
