I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
